I am so so very tired of seeing new doctors who seemingly think they should give me a new diagnosis every time I walk in the door.
Let's back track to a couple years ago when I made the decision, with God's guidance, to move from my comfortable and safe home, school, and doctors to start new in a town 10 hours away. Over the years I have had many ups and downs and the Fibro has come and gone in various stages of remission. With that, paired with my decision not to medicate anymore (because the side effects were worse than the flares), I hadn't been seeing a doctor for the Fibro regularly. They weren't doing anything for me anyways and I thought I was better off without them.
Since then, I've had various odd and random symptoms that seemed to have no explanation. I was seeing a doctor whom I liked very much. He listened to me, took time with me, and respected the fact I didn't care to see a doctor who would just prescribe medication to cover the symptoms because they can't find a curable source. As fate would have it, he moved away and left me to see yet another new doctor. This doctor, didn't listen to me, didn't take time with me, and didn't even believe in my diagnosis. Long story short, I didn't go back to the doctor because I didn't want to see him. Until now.
Its been time to see a doctor again for some time. The symptoms have been more frequent, stronger, and harder to cope with. I can't always do it on my own by staying in bed or lounging on the couch. I am no longer a teen calling in sick to school. I have work, bills, responsibility. So I armed myself with as much information I could to disarm any speculation this non-listening doctor might have.
I brought with me a self written list of symptoms and triggers, a print out of common symptoms of Fibro-mine highlighted in orange, and a list of doctors I had seen complete with their specialty, address, phone and fax numbers. I wanted to see another Rheumatologist, one like the doctor who has fist diagnosed me. One who listened, cared, and respected.
Quite to my surprise, this doctor I loathed going to, did take some time with me, did listen to some of what I had to say, and did give me the referral I requested. But, and there is always a but, he also requested more blood work, more documentation, and more time. They always want more, and don't get me wrong, there are times I also want more. I want more pain free days, I want more information, I want a cure. But there are also times I don't want more. I don't want more tests, I don't want more medications, I don't want more doctors with more opinions. I want to live my life.
I did the bloodwork. What's another couple pin-pricks when you've already had countless blood panels, nerve conduction tests, MRIs, X-Rays, and a plethora of other invasive testing done over the years? These two tests; Lupus and Arthritis. We will see the results in a couple of days, but I would venture to guess they are going to turn up negative, as they have every other time I have had these tests done.
I am not overwhelmingly happy with being another doctor's pin cushion, but if it gets me closer to the answers and help I need, then I will of course continue with the testing.
But when does this end?
When can I get on with my life?
This is a picture taken at The Blodel Reserve in Washington, from my trip this past summer. It perfectly represents how living with fibro feels. Surrounded by God's beautiful creation, a once sturdy and strong bench stands on the sideline watching from a distance.
